SISTER CANDY CIDE
of the Immaculate Misconception
My name is Sister Candy Cide of the Immaculate Misconception and I am a dragnun in the City of Angels (I was told I would get the rest later). As of this writing, I’ve been a gender-fuck queer clown of a nun for over 25 years.
I didn’t have much choice in my name. It was given to me when Reverend Mother and I met with reps of the San Francisco Sisters to start our house here. I couldn’t decide on a Sister name and so they said, “how are you going to spell it?” (Candy Cide = Can’t Decide. Get it?)
Some say I have a reputation for being evil and I don’t think that’s really fair. I run over one nun with my car, that I didn’t like very much anyway, and they never let you forget it - especially when I backed up and did it again just to be thorough.
In my many years as a Sister, I’ve sang and marched. I’ve chanted and danced. I’ve performed at Highways and protested war with over 200 other actors on stage. I’ve made fruit smoothies out of a drag queen’s cremains and squeezed douche bottles full of colored water up another nun’s ass in the name of art. I’ve begged for money and held people while they cried. I’ve joined couples in unholy matrimony and heard people’s confessions while encouraging them to sin some more. I’ve walked the catwalk and laughed - a lot! But most important of all, I’ve offended. My personal creed as a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence is to ruin it for everybody; to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. I can still expiate stigmatic guilt and promulgate universal joy while stirring up a lot of shit along the way. Oh, and I’ve survived being best friends with Sister Unity for the lot of it - and started a support group as a result.